The difference between what I do and traditional talk therapy

Talk therapy can get a bad rap. And honestly, I understand why. I even agree with a lot of it.

I’ve had clients, when they started working with me, say that they saw a previous therapist for a while and it went okay. It was good at first, they say, but eventually they got to a point where they felt like they were just talking in circles. Like they were wanting more, but not sure what. Or how to ask for it, or what it would even look or feel like to get it.

I’ve seen many well-meaning trauma therapists advertise what they believe, and are told, are cutting-edge and highly effective tools for healing trauma. Tools that don’t necessarily require you to talk about what happened in order to heal. I’ve seen clients eagerly try these new methods, full of hope after years of feeling stuck in talk therapy, full of hope that this would move them forward. It did, kind of. But after a while, without continuous exposure to the tool, results eventually flatlined. Or, through treatment, they found great reduction in symptoms, but still something was missing.

You aren’t crazy if this has happened to you. You aren’t too sensitive. You aren’t reading too much into things.

If something still feels like it’s missing, despite years of therapy and self-care and books and every latest trend in mental healthcare you try, it’s not you grasping at straws or somehow refusing to heal. It’s not you making a big deal out of nothing.

More than likely, a key element was missing from all those years of other therapies you tried.

What I do with clients looks, for all intents and purposes, very similar to traditional talk therapy. I often open sessions with a simple, “How are you?” People tell me updates from their week, or they jump right into what’s weighing heaviest on them today. Clients talk. I listen. I reflect. I educate. I invite introspection. It’s nothing groundbreaking.

But it is effective. Because not only is the client talking - they are being listened to. I am listening to understand. I’m not listening and then offering a coping skill, or a reframe, or a mindfulness exercise, or a mantra. You don’t come to me for that. You don’t come to me for answers you can Google or find on Instagram reels.

You come to be heard. You come to be understood. You come because you want to know if what you’re thinking and feeling makes sense, and you want to know how to get unstuck. You want to figure out why you keep getting stuck in the same patterns, and you want to be free from those same exhausting, never-ending cycles that wear you out.

If logic and answers alone were enough, no one would need therapy. Not in the age of the Internet and AI. Every cognitive answer we need, we can look up.

That’s why our therapy is that, but it’s so much more than that. For my clients with complex trauma, they have quite possibly never experienced what full safety looks and feels like. They have quite possibly never known someone that they can show up and be completely themselves with - good, bad, ugly, and everything in between. As your therapist, I work very hard to make everything about our relationship and our sessions as consistent, stable, and predictable as possible. I am in the same space, at the same time each week, with the same calm, regulated presence. This consistency and predictability alone can be so comforting to someone who has experienced turbulent attachments. My calm presence will help you experience what emotional safety feels like - and should have felt like from the time you were born. For many of my clients, this experience is nothing like anything else they’ve encountered so far.

You never have to worry about what you’ll get from me. I will always provide a steady, curious, and non-reactive presence. You will experience what it feels like to not have to perform, not have to rehearse, not have to say everything exactly right. I will reflect back what I am hearing from you, and if I get it wrong, you can tell me. If I say something you disagree with, or you say something I believe needs directive feedback, we can be open with each other in a way that’s respectful and always assuming the best. We can occasionally sit in silence, reflecting on what’s been said so far and gradually moving on to the next topic, and I won’t leave you or judge you or anxiously talk to fill the silence. I will direct our conversations if it feels necessary, but overall I am here to attune to what you need on that day - because you learning to listen to and trust yourself is an enormous part of the process.

I will invite you to tune into your body, mind, and emotions as you talk, inviting you to build self-awareness and understanding of your experiences and triggers. I will help you break down the most complex of issues, understanding and validating each complicated part and figuring out the core and what matters to you most. I will push and challenge you, but only at the pace you are ready for. I won’t push you into the deep end, but I also won’t leave you wading in the shallows. I attune to you to see where you are, what you need, and at what pace you’re ready to go there.

So, the key difference between talk therapy and what I do: every minute we are together is an experience of me attuning to you, seeing you, reflecting back to you, and helping you learn to do the same for yourself. It’s not just you talking and me listening as a blank slate. I model for you what it should have felt like from the minute you were born: someone calm, secure, and regulated, seeing you, understanding your needs, and helping you feel safe and assured that everything will be okay. Not in a toxically-positive, happy-go-lucky way, but with the understanding and acceptance that life will be hard, there will always be challenges, and we have the resources within us to be okay - and that there is a lot of joy to be lived as well. In other words, we are re-wiring parts of your brain - slowly, over time - to be less anxious, less self-critical, less preparing for the worst at all times. I catch my clients, after years of working together, saying “I’ve been so proud of myself this week” or “I did something for myself that I’ve always wanted to do” or “I caught myself when I was about to be self-critical.” I’ve seen my clients grow so significantly in their own self-respect and empowerment, as well as their openness and empathy towards others. I’ve seen clients cultivate joy in their lives, and this brings me so much joy as well. I’ve also seen clients move, sometimes, at a very slow pace because that’s all they have the capacity for at the moment - and that’s okay too. They keep showing up because they find the support that they need. And, in their own ways, that’s how they are also making astronomical changes every day.