I wrote this some time ago in my personal journaling. It’s raw, unedited thoughts from my personal journey put onto paper. I hope it speaks to you.
“If someone were to ask me, “Should I adopt?” I would probably answer, “It depends.”
“It depends on what?” they’d ask.
How would I respond?
It depends on so many things.
Are you ready for everything in your life to turn upside down?
Are you ready for everything that was once normal, routine, and comfortable to be called into question?
Are you ready to feel angrier than you’ve ever felt, more confused than you knew was possible, more defeated and discouraged than you know what to do with - at the same time, always nurturing a million sparks of hope?
Are you ready to say and do things as a parent you never thought you would - in a thousand different ways?
Of course not, you’d say. I guess adoption isn’t for me.
Maybe, I’d respond. It definitely isn’t for everyone. But hold on - there might be hope.
What if all of this were to happen - and yet, you also have fallen in love with a child?
What if, for every moment you feel like your life is upside down, you also feel a sense of completeness you’ve never imagined?
What if routines are gone and nothing is the same - but what takes its place is even better?
What if the anger, the confusion, the defeatedness and discouragement - for every time you feel that, you also feel overwhelming joy, pride, connectedness, and celebration of every single victory your child has?
What if you are psychologically and emotionally and maybe even physically abused by this little person you love so much - and, over time, you get the greatest joy of seeing them grow, and knowing that, because of you, there is one less toxic human in the world?
What if you see the pain and hurt your kid has experienced, understand it, help them understand it, and turn what otherwise might have been evil into so much good?
What if parenting after trauma is a privilege?
An extremely hard and sometimes traumatic privilege…but what if we see it for all of the good it truly can manifest?
Who would hear about all the pain and chaos and trauma of parenting a hurt kiddo and say, “Yes, sign me up!”
Not many.
But what if we can understand how truly worth it it is?
What if we can understand that it’s not about the sacrifices we make, it’s not about the love and commitment we give them…but it’s about taking what would have become the multiplication of hurt and anger and fear and turning it into hope, empathy, and resilience.
It’s about understanding that our kids would have grown up repeating toxic cycles. They would have imposed more hurt and pain into the world. Instead, we’ve taught them to understand the difference between what’s hard and what’s impossible. We’ve taught them that the world isn’t black and white. That people can make mistakes and still be trusted. That others can seem like they’ve changed and yet still need to prove themselves and earn their trust back. Our work helps our kids learn to trust themselves. To make wise choices instead of fearful ones. To be kind but not fawning. To challenge themselves without setting themselves up to fail. To be steady, consistent, and able to regulate.”
Parenting this way isn’t easy. Ever. But it is so extremely worth it.
